Ellen Pompeo Gets Raw About $20M Salary Backlash, Grey’s Anatomy Secrets, and Her Dark New Role
The Star-Struck Host
In a rare moment of vulnerability, Alex Cooper opened the episode admitting she was genuinely star-struck sitting across from Pompeo — a first for the Call Her Daddy host who’s interviewed countless celebrities.
I have interviewed so many people in my career now hands down I have never gotten star-struck. I’m a little star-struck right now. I am a huge fan. — Alex Cooper
The connection was immediate. Pompeo’s 15-year-old daughter Stella actually secured the booking after seeing the invitation in her mom’s emails while they were in the car together. When Stella saw the email from Pompeo’s publicist, she told her mom: “Alex follows you on Instagram. Mom, she’s a fan. She watches Grey’s Anatomy. She loves you.” Stella then responded to the publicist herself and told Pompeo, “We’re doing it.”
The $20M Salary Revelation and Unexpected Backlash
When Pompeo’s historic $20 million per season salary was publicly leaked, she expected celebration. Instead, she got a harsh lesson in how society treats successful women.
My manager at the time said something to me that literally hit me like a brick. He said, ‘Are you ready to be unpopular?’ I was like, ‘What do you mean?’ And he was like, ‘Well, I just don’t want you to think that everyone’s going to go in and cheer for you and clap for you and bow to you and think you’re the dopest thing ever, because there’s going to be a lot of people who are not happy for you.’ — Ellen Pompeo
The prediction proved accurate. Pompeo drew a sharp contrast between how male wealth is celebrated versus female success. She pointed out that men like Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and Donald Trump flash their money publicly and everyone thinks it’s hot and powerful. But when women earn significant money, the conversation shifts to whether they deserve it, with critics calling them b***hes or claiming they’re not worth it.
Men just do not experience this level of scrutiny when it comes to money. You have Jeff Bezos and Elon and Trump and all of these men get to just f***ing flash money in front of our faces and everyone thinks it’s hot and powerful. And then the minute we get any of it, even in the ballpark, not even in the ballpark, we’re just lightly getting a part of the conversation, it’s like, ‘Oh, she doesn’t deserve it. Either she’s a b****h or she found a way to maneuver it, because she’s not worth that.’ — Ellen Pompeo
Her advice for women navigating similar situations? Focus on the work and use your power to lift others up. She emphasized that you can’t control what people think of you, but you can control how you use your privilege to help other women who would thrive with an opportunity.
Patrick Dempsey Pay Equity: “I Was Salty They Didn’t Value Me as Much”
Pompeo addressed the long-discussed pay disparity between her and co-star Patrick Dempsey, making clear her issue was never with Dempsey himself. She explained that the television landscape was different then — Dempsey had done around 13 pilots before her, and that was her first pilot ever. Back then, actors had a “quote” that went up with each pilot, and she noted that only a man could have 13 failed pilots and still see his quote keep rising.
To be completely fair, the television game was so different then, and he had done like 13 pilots before me. That was my first pilot I had ever done… Only a man can fail, can have 13 failed TV pilots, and their quote still keeps going up. — Ellen Pompeo
His quote was what it was. He was a bigger star than I was at that point. No one knew who I was. Everybody knew who he was. So he did deserve that money. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve that money. It’s just, being that I was the namesake of the show, I deserved the same. And that was harder to get. — Ellen Pompeo
I wasn’t salty about him getting what he got. I was salty that they didn’t value me as much as they valued him. — Ellen Pompeo
Her message to women in any industry: always push the envelope and ask for what you deserve. The worst anyone can say is no. She also stressed that women should always check what other people — especially men — are making and use their power to advocate for pay equity across the board.
The Most Emotional Grey’s Anatomy Moments
When Cooper asked which character’s death hit hardest, Pompeo didn’t hesitate.
George O’Malley. It has to be. That moment where he wrote ‘O’ on your palm… I’m like, you just killed me. Like you just stabbed me in the heart. How dare you. Holy f*. — Ellen Pompeo
On Sandra Oh’s departure as Cristina Yang:
I think Sandra Oh’s last day was really emotional for me… She was such a loss because she’s so immensely talented. And I really didn’t think the show could go on without her… It literally felt like half of the show just leaving. — Ellen Pompeo
And yes, the Denny Duquette stairwell scene still haunts her.
Izzy and Denny, and everyone’s walking down the stairs. Oh yes, of course. Of course that one. — Ellen Pompeo
The Most Quoted Meredith Grey Line
When asked which of Meredith’s lines gets quoted back to her most often, Pompeo landed on the iconic “pick me” speech.
Pick me. Choose me. Love me. That’s iconic. More than iconic. — Ellen Pompeo
The line has transcended the show entirely, becoming internet shorthand for a certain type of relationship behavior. Cooper mentioned that fellow podcaster Katy Hugel didn’t even know “pick-me girl” came from that line, and Pompeo joked, “We’re legends.”
Cooper then shared an embarrassing personal story of quoting the full Meredith Grey stairwell speech at an ex who had cheated on her and called her a b***h.
I also will never forget the stairwell moment… ‘You don’t get to call me a b****h.‘ Yeah, girl. And you basically say like, ‘I will not apologize for the way that I repair what you broke. I’m not a b****h.’ I use that on an ex-boyfriend. — Alex Cooper
The Candle House: A Behind-the-Scenes Disaster
When Cooper brought up Meredith’s infamous candle house built to win Derek back, Pompeo initially didn’t remember the scene correctly. She thought Derek built it, but Cooper corrected her — Meredith built the candle house to show Derek her commitment even though he had a girlfriend at the time.
Wait, I built it? No, he did the candle house. No, you did. You stupid, stupid house. I shouldn’t have done this. I’m so embarrassed. — Ellen Pompeo, realizing she built the candle house
The reality of filming that romantic gesture was far less romantic. Pompeo recalled the poor prop people having to light every single candle, with the wind blowing out half of them. There were about 17 people trying to light all the candles for that scene.
The Grossest Props on Grey’s Anatomy
The grossest prop you’ve ever had to work with? Oh my God, definitely real organs. Real body parts. — Ellen Pompeo
In the early seasons, the show used real bowel, intestine, bovine cow intestine, cow heart, cow liver, and cow brain. They stopped using real organs in later seasons, but Pompeo confirmed it was all really gross.
Shonda Rhimes: The Boss Who Celebrated Pregnancies
Pompeo had nothing but praise for creator Shonda Rhimes, particularly her support of women having families while working. When asked about Rhimes’s best quality as a boss, Pompeo said it was easy to answer.
Her best quality as a boss is that’s so easy to answer. When you tell her you’re pregnant or you’re having a baby, she literally like sounds the bell, the confetti comes down. ‘How many days do you need off? What can we do for you? How do we make this easier for you? How do we get you paid and keep your job?’ — Ellen Pompeo
Rhimes famously acknowledged that mothers can’t give 100% to work — and that’s okay.
She has even famously said this at work: ‘I’m not 100% at work when I have kids at home. I’m absolutely not. You cannot be a mother and have children and give 100% to your job. You can’t, because there’s a part of you that’s somewhere else.— Ellen Pompeo
“You split into different pieces. You’re no longer just you. You split into different pieces. And you know what that does? It makes you more soulful. It makes you richer. It makes you funnier. It makes you feel more… It makes you more empathetic. It makes you angrier. It gives you this range of emotions that you can’t even imagine having.” — Ellen Pompeo
But Pompeo emphasized that splitting into different pieces actually makes you a better person: more soulful, richer, funnier, more empathetic, angrier.
You will be yourself times a thousand. You will just be a better version of yourself. — Ellen Pompeo
Motherhood: “My Heart Broke Open”
Pompeo revealed she wasn’t initially maternal, largely due to her own childhood trauma. Her mother passed away from an accidental overdose when Pompeo was just four years old, so she didn’t have fond memories of childhood or feel any maternal instinct.
Her husband Chris Ivery wanted children, particularly a daughter named Stella. Pompeo admitted she had to be convinced. She told Cooper that at 38, she thought if she didn’t do it, she’d never be able to. And if she didn’t like being a mother, she’d just have the one kid and deal with it.
And then of course, you know, my heart broke open. And it changed my life forever. And I evolved into a completely different person. And I would say I’m so much better for having had children. — Ellen Pompeo
The Racist Tabloid Attacks on Her Marriage
One of the most powerful segments came when Pompeo discussed the racist media treatment of her relationship with husband Chris Ivery. She said the tabloids started attacking him, bringing up his past and a record he had.
We don’t need to get into a whole racial breakdown here, but like, you know, the truth is, young Black men in this country aren’t given the same opportunities as everybody else. And a lot of people come from rough neighborhoods. I came from a rough neighborhood. I did plenty of dirt when I was young, I won’t get into that here. — Ellen Pompeo
She said publicly he was targeted, and the racial component of their relationship was something he never asked for. She felt really bad about it and thought the media was mean and biased.
Because how dare this skinny, blonde, petite, little woman be with this tall Black man. The visual of that, I think America wasn’t ready for that. — Ellen Pompeo
Cooper said she literally got chills hearing this and became emotional thinking about the beautiful family they created and the relationship they must have to weather that storm.
The Wild Six-Toes Rumor
When asked about the wildest rumor she’s ever heard about herself, Pompeo had an easy answer.
That’s super easy. There was like this ridiculous like… I had six toes or some s* like that. It was like, yo, tabloids used to be so crazy. — Ellen Pompeo
She explained that before phones, Instagram, and TikTok, there were 50 tabloids that would write the craziest things. She actually has 10 toes, but she thinks they meant she had six toes on one foot.
Grey’s Anatomy as Her Comfort Show
What is your comfort show? Well, so I think Love Island right now, US or UK… It’s either the US version or the UK version. Yeah, but they’re like… it’s me and Stella. Listen, I’m very critical. I talk a lot of s* while I’m watching Love Island. I talk mad s***. No one talks more s*** than me watching Love Island. — Ellen Pompeo
She watches it with her daughter and admitted she’s very critical while watching, talking mad s*** the whole time.
The Inside Story on Meredith and George’s Love Scene
When Cooper asked about Meredith rebounding with George when she knew he liked her for years, Pompeo revealed an uncomfortable behind-the-scenes reality. She and T.R. Knight are such good friends, but they had to do a love scene and were both crying the whole time.
The scene was so uncomfortable and awkward — neither of them wanted to do it. When they filmed it, it was so bad that the network said there was too much thrusting and they had to re-shoot it. Pompeo said those tears in the scene were real.
She also revealed she didn’t want to say the “pick me, choose me, love me” line either. She questioned why she would beg and didn’t want to do it, but she had to trust Shonda’s vision. It ended up becoming one of the most iconic moments ever.
On Not Being Everyone’s Cup of Tea
I say that to Stella all the time. You don’t like everybody. I don’t like everybody. So not everybody is going to like you. And that’s sometimes hard, but it’s just a fact of life. And you have to just swallow that pill, that like you’re not everybody’s cup of tea. — Ellen Pompeo
Financial Independence = True Freedom for Women
Pompeo traced her drive for money back to her Boston upbringing and watching powerful men in the Mafia. She became aware at a very early age that people with money had power, and she didn’t have any power as a young woman. She didn’t like the way that felt.
She watched men — all men — who had a lot of money and power and thought they were incredibly cool. They were all Mafia guys and really bad people, but they had stature, money, and power. So she equated money with power very early on.
I became aware at a very early age that people with money had power. And I didn’t have any power as a young woman, and I didn’t like the way that felt. — Ellen Pompeo
And as a woman, I’m sure you know how freeing it feels to have financial independence, because you don’t have to be with any man you don’t want to be with. You get to choose what man you want to be with because you want to be with him. And the day you decide you didn’t want to be with him, if that were to ever happen, which it won’t, you know, you can walk out the door. — Ellen Pompeo
Cooper added her own take:
Wait but hold up, y’all. I’m not even mad at you. Have to be next to a powerful man? Go ahead, get next to him and use him to level up. Just step right on him and just level up. Don’t stay under him. If you do what you have to do, girl, use him, get right next to him, pick his pockets, and keep it moving. It’s okay. — Alex Cooper
Just get there and keep it moving, you know. Don’t be in an apron cutting his meat. Honey. Period. — Alex Cooper
Leaving Grey’s Anatomy: “I Felt Like an Animal at the Zoo”
After 19 seasons, Pompeo knew she had to leave.
I really couldn’t do Grey’s anymore. It was to the point where I really just felt like, you know, an animal at the zoo. — Ellen Pompeo
I’m on TV for 20 years, the biggest show ever, like everybody knows who I am. Clearly these people don’t want me. They’re not coming for me. No one’s offering me this, no one’s offering me that. — Ellen Pompeo
She’s a big believer in destiny and thought if there’s something else she’s meant to do, it’s going to find her. She stepped away and said if nothing else comes, nothing else comes. At least she’s financially okay.
Then came the script for her new show dealing with child abuse, disabled children, and neurodivergent kids. Her agent reminded her that she’d always said if there was something so different and crazy, a character that was a complete 180 from everything she’d done, she’d love to do it to challenge herself and prove that she can.
This is tricky subject matter, and this looks like walking through a landmine. I don’t know why we would do this. — Ellen Pompeo, initially hesitant
But her agent told her if she really wants to take a turn and flip things, this is the moment.
Her Desired Legacy
I’d really like my legacy to be someone who used my voice, my privilege, and my power to help other people. — Ellen Pompeo
She pointed to Jane Fonda as an inspiration.
Did you see Jane Fonda at the SAG Awards? Her consistency, right? I love consistency. She’s that b*h. She’s exactly who she’s always been. She was that, then got cancelled for it in the 70s when she was speaking up about us killing children in a war, and she’s still speaking up and she’s still using her voice. — Ellen Pompeo
Quick Hits
Most famous person in her phone: “DiCaprio. I mean, he’s pretty iconic, just a little bit. Yeah, but his dad is in my phone too. And listen, the man, the myth, the legend George is where Leo came from. So in my opinion, you know, no diss to Leo, he knows I love him, but George is the real OG.”
Three words to describe herself: “Bossy, empathetic, and passionate.”
Closest Grey’s Anatomy friend: “I’m probably closest to Justin Chambers. Okay, yeah, Justin and T.R., I think I’m closest with them.”
Boston accent check: When asked if she still has her Boston accent, Pompeo demonstrated: “Pop the C. Hahd pahd the cah.” She went to Boston University and said she’s constantly trying not to sound like she has a Boston accent, but she could pull it out in two seconds.
Craziest fan interactions: She hasn’t had weird inappropriate ones, but impressive ones include people telling her they’re pediatric oncologists or neurosurgeons because of her.
The episode wrapped with Cooper reflecting on Pompeo’s journey from thinking age 40 was the end of her career to now launching a bold new chapter at 55.
It’s really wild. It’s really wild. — Alex Cooper
This recap is based on Ellen Pompeo’s appearance on Call Her Daddy. The full episode is available wherever you listen to podcasts.
