In a candid, laugh-out-loud episode of Call Her Daddy, Gwyneth Paltrow sat down with Alex Cooper to unpack her life—from winning an Oscar at 26 and the identity crisis that followed, to breaking off her engagement with Brad Pitt, navigating divorce from Chris Martin, and building Goop into a wellness empire.

The conversation ranged from deeply personal reflections on grief, generational trauma, and self-worth, to playful “Brad or Ben?” games and frank talks about female pleasure, vibrators, and why she’s no longer afraid to disappoint people.

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The Oscar High—and the Identity Crash

Paltrow won the Academy Award for Best Actress at just 26 for Shakespeare in Love, a milestone that should have felt like pure triumph. Instead, it triggered what she now calls an “identity crisis.”

If you win the biggest prize, like what are you supposed to do and where are you supposed to go?
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She described the weeks after the win as “disorienting” and “frankly really unhealthy,” especially as the British press turned on her for crying on stage—without knowing her grandfather was dying of cancer and her father was severely debilitated from cancer treatment.

I just thought like wow there’s this big energy shift that’s happening and I think I’m going to have to learn to be less openhearted and much more protective of myself.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

That moment, she says, was a reckoning: she realized she’d have to become more guarded and selective about who she let in.

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Childhood Pressure, People-Pleasing, and Learning to Listen to Herself

Paltrow traced a lot of her early drive to her upbringing: a childhood marked by frequent moves for her mother’s work, high (often unspoken) standards at home, and a constant feeling that she had to prove she was “worth something” and “lovable.”

I always felt like I had to prove on some level that I was worth something, that I was lovable.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She and Cooper compared notes on how their parents’ generation rarely talked about mental health, and how therapy has helped them reframe those dynamics without absolving their parents entirely.

Paltrow also linked her early romantic patterns to her family dynamics, echoing Kerry Washington’s observation that “there’s only one letter difference between parent and partner.”

Most of us are sort of replaying that dynamic out in our romantic life that we had with our most difficult parental relationship.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

Her advice to young women wondering if they’re ready for marriage is simple but hard-earned:

The best thing is to work on your friendship with yourself. The closer you are to yourself, then the more decisions you will make from that place and that will be the right decision.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

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Brad Pitt: Love at First Sight, Then Letting Go

Paltrow confirmed what Hollywood lore has long suggested: she and Brad Pitt experienced “major, major love at first sight” on the set of Se7en when she was 22.

It was crazy. I just got chills [thinking about it].
— Gwyneth Paltrow

They got engaged when she was around 24, while Pitt was filming in Argentina. But despite being “thrilled” in the moment, she eventually ended the engagement, realizing she wasn’t ready.

I had such a pleasing issue… I was always trying to adjudicate what’s right for everybody else… I really had not explored who I was, what was important to me, what my boundaries were.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She described the breakup as “totally heartbroken” but ultimately “the right thing at that time,” noting the age gap and how much more certain Pitt was about what he wanted compared to her own confusion.

When Cooper pressed her on how they navigated seeing each other post-breakup in small-world Hollywood, Paltrow recalled presenting at the Oscars the year after her win, acutely aware of Pitt sitting “almost front row” after they hadn’t spoken in years.

I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is so scary and so awkward… I think I even fumbled my words.’
— Gwyneth Paltrow

Today, she calls him “a great guy” and says, “I really like him a lot.”

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Brad or Ben? The Game Everyone Wanted

Naturally, Cooper made her play “Brad or Ben,” comparing Pitt and Affleck across style, romance, humor, and more. Highlights:

• Better style: Brad
• More romantic: Brad
• More likely to make you laugh: Ben
• More likely to argue with: Ben
• Better kisser: “They were both good kissers.”
• Better in bed:“Brad was like the sort of major chemistry love of your life… And then Ben was like technically excellent.”
• Better actor (just acting): Brad, for the range of roles he’s taken, though she emphasized both are “so talented.”

When asked if her exes have bought her infamous Goop “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle, she deadpanned:

That’s what it’s there for.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

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Meeting Chris Martin: Grief, Destiny, and a Coldplay Concert

Paltrow’s relationship with Chris Martin began under the shadow of profound loss. Her father died suddenly, and just three weeks later, she and her best friend Mary went to a small Coldplay show in London—tickets bought months earlier, before her dad’s death.

Because the press had been rumor-mongering that they were dating all summer (despite never having met), Martin’s assistant greeted them backstage with, “Oh, hi. This is so crazy. You want to go meet your boyfriend?”

He was just so sweet… I really didn’t even think we would go out but… he called me and asked me to come to Ireland to see him and go to a show and I was so depressed.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

Her friend told her it was the first time she’d smiled since her father died.

Paltrow described the connection as almost pre-ordained:

There was a very deep thing there… I knew he was going to be the father of my kids maybe or something. It was a very strong feeling.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

But the relationship began while she was “completely decimated” by grief.

I was so altered and so destroyed… I can’t imagine that I didn’t project hope and safety and future onto him because I was in such a bad state.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

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Divorce, the “Software Upgrade” at 40, and Choosing Herself

Paltrow and Martin married, had two children (Apple and Moses), and eventually divorced in 2016. She described feeling trapped by the idea of divorce—coming from a family and friend circle where almost everyone stayed married to their college sweetheart.

I just felt like it was such a failure… I was so worried about it for the kids and for what it said about me.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

Over time, she grew lonely in the marriage and realized she wanted “something very different to what he wanted.” Around 38, she began sensing the marriage wouldn’t last; by 40, something shifted.

You get this software upgrade when you turn 40… You wake up and your software is [__] upgraded and you’re like, ‘Wow, this is bizarre. I don’t care what anybody thinks of me. I like myself.’
— Gwyneth Paltrow

That internal shift gave her permission to choose herself—even if it meant disappointing people or being alone.

I need to not be in this. I need something else. And it’s okay if I’m alone… and it’s okay if I disappoint people… All the things that you’re so worried about… I chose myself.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She and Martin have worked hard to remain a cohesive family for their kids.

You have to choose every day to remember the good in the person, why you love them… hold them with a lot of love and respect and cultivate that especially on days that you don’t feel that.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

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#MeToo, Speaking Out, and Protecting the Next Generation

Paltrow was one of the first high-profile actresses to speak publicly about Harvey Weinstein’s behavior, cooperating with The New York Times investigation that helped ignite the #MeToo movement.

It was scary… I had grown up watching the women who had spoken out be reviled, rejected, pilloried in the town square.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

But once she learned the full extent of his actions—and realized her own story mirrored those of at least 10 friends—she felt compelled to act.

I felt like if maybe there was a chance it could impact the workplace for my daughter and her friends, like I felt really obligated to say something.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

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Goop, Wellness, and Being Told to “Stay in Your Lane”

After the birth of her daughter Apple, Paltrow stepped back from acting for about three years and began questioning whether she truly wanted to return to the same career trajectory.

I gave myself the space to kind of contemplate if I wanted to go back or not… I actually never starred in a movie again since I was pregnant with Apple.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She started Goop initially as an unmonetized newsletter, answering the kinds of questions she was always fielding from friends: where to get a bikini wax in Paris, what temperature to roast a chicken, which products were actually safe.

I love doing the research. I love figuring it out. Like maybe I could do this as a job.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She knew she’d be criticized—citing Jane Fonda’s fitness empire as a rare precedent—and braced for people to question her seriousness as an actress.

Everybody likes us in one little box… but I was really interested in this other space which was really essentially connecting people to great things that would make their lives better.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

Today, she’s especially focused on clean beauty and calling out the “levels of toxicity in beauty products that are largely unregulated.”

They’re transdermally absorbed. They mess with our endocrine systems. They’re like real toxicity levels… and that just drives me crazy.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

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Sex, Shame, and the Goop Sex Instagram

The conversation turned explicitly sexual when Cooper asked about vibrators, female pleasure, and Paltrow’s new Goop Sex Instagram channel.

Paltrow said she first used a vibrator around the time Sex and the City popularized them as bridal-shower favors, after years of systemic shame around female pleasure.

We live in a patriarchal society… the paradigms aren’t there for female pleasure… we’ve been taught to be ashamed of it, not ask for things, not say like this feels good or this doesn’t feel good.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

She praised Cooper’s generation—and Apple’s—for having more freedom around these topics.

I’m so happy when I see it changing in your generation… this sort of freedom around the idea that women deserve pleasure. It makes me so happy to see that.
— Gwyneth Paltrow

On the Goop Sex page, she wants to keep normalizing these conversations and giving women resources to explore their own pleasure without shame.

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Misconceptions: “Cold” vs. Curious and Warm

When asked about misconceptions people have about her, Paltrow named two big ones:

1. Goop as pseudoscience:“I think like there was a misconception… that me and Goop… were dealing in pseudoscience, which is such [__]… we’re actually so rigorous around what we’re talking about.”
2. Her personality:“I think I can maybe come off or look quite cold maybe or like unapproachable… But I think I’m really opposite to that. I do think I’m so curious about people and I think I’m warm.”

By the end of the episode, Cooper was gifting her a T-shirt referencing a viral internet comment Paltrow made about Hailey Bieber, and both were laughing over how the interview had turned into a full-blown bonding session.

I chose myself… and it’s okay if I never find anyone again. All the things that you’re so worried about… I chose myself.
— Gwyneth Paltrow